The losses of life
by But He Hit Me First
Summary: Van Helsing has been alone for many years, will he still be after he travels back to Transylvania. Wanrings: set in first person, hints at AnnaVan helsing, Later slash, and kind of sad.
1. Chapter 1

**AN - **This is my first attempt into this fandom, so please try to be kind. Also this story is in first person, so to aid those who don't know what that means below is what dictionary . com says is first person. - The only reason i'm putting what a first person story is, is because I had postedthis story on ff . net and it was deleted because it was a "list". So no offence ment.

first person-_n._

The grammatical category of forms that designate a speaker or writer referring to himself or herself. Examples of forms in the first person include English pronouns such as _I_ and _we_ and verb forms such as Spanish _hablo_ "I speak." A discourse or literary style in which the narrator recounts his or her own experiences or impressions using such forms: a novel written in the first person.

Hence this is a fanfiction set in first person, where the character that is refered to as "I" is Van Helsing.

**The losses of life**

I have always been a man that ran towards danger. So why, in that moment did I run away? Because the look in his eyes told me of a past that I wanted to know so badly, but maybe I didn't. So I deflected, I pulled that cross out and held it up. Thus ending our discussion.

While I did not run away with my legs, my actions spoke loud enough; I did not want to be in that situation. I put all thoughts of the things inside me away for the rest of my time in Transylvania. When I bit into him and felt his blood coursing into my mouth, I remembered all of these moments. But there was no time, I had killed him and at the time this woman I saw, Anna, running at me looked as if she would hurt him. So I tried to protect him, in my mind only understanding the animal. The animal said that she would hurt, maim, and kill him. I could not let this happen. So after as my human brain became dominant and I understood everything, I wept. I wept for her, I wept for him, and then I finally wept for me. The last had been days later. It had taken that time for me to see, that I had lost so much by going to Transylvania. I had lost a beautiful woman, who was strong and cunning. Who would have been able to help me, if she had chosen, in my work of stopping the evil that roams this earth. I also lost a man. A man who held my past in his mind. A man who's memories I carry with me, but not my own. A man who was hollow because he had died from illness and my blade and then asked to return so he could live in sin with me. A man who I loved, do love. But yet have killed him twice. And now? I love no one. Carl, my friend, died many years ago. As did my work for the Order. If there is ever anything to great for a mortal to do, they will find me. They have yet to do so. Now, I sail on a ship, heading towards a land I have not seen in a time and a half. I still am searching for a peace that I'm sure I will never find.

**AN –(again)** Tell me what you think. This is my first crack at a Van Helsing fic. Thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Warnings and other look at first chap.

The losses of life – Chapter two

As I step off of the ship and look around I am numbed by how little things have changed. In almost 200 years this place has not changed much. As I walk to an Inn I notice that there are only a few cars, so I might have to ride horse again. I know that I will know how but I can't help but laugh at the fact that it's been so long. I sober up. It has been long. I think I see the same faces that I saw last time, but I know that I do not. They are those people's grandchildren or Great grandchildren.

I snap back to the present as I hear some one yelling at me. I have not moved and am blocking a path. I adjust my duffel bag and fix my hat before moving on. As I walk I look at my duster. The same one that I have had since before I came here. I talk to a woman at the front desk. She hands me a key and points to the room that I will be staying in for the night. I unlock the door and almost fall in to the room.

I'm just too tired. My body says differently, but what does it know, it never gets tired anymore. Always my sprit dwindles before my body. I shut the door and strip. I crawl into the bed without thought. As I lay thinking about everything, I cannot help but tear up. Before their deaths I never cried, but now I do almost every night. With the pain and guilt sitting on me I become short of breath, I grab for my bag and in it pull out an inhaler. Two deep breathes later and I'm too tired to move. I simply close my eyes and am off.

I wake late in the morning. I have not slept that long in ages. As I rise my body cracks in weird places. I must have not moved much in the night. The shower is nice and warm. I had thought that not much had changed, this lead me to believe that I would not have access to a shower for sometime. I am happy that I do, at least for the time being. What I have learned of Transylvania today is that very few people reside there. Trusting instincts that tell them that it is a land of evil on which they reside. That what people that are there have only changed things to today's standers, such as bathing and food. Other whys it is much the same, ruled by graves, new and old. So it is little wonder why I have to travel so.

I am now dressed and ready to leave. I pay the woman at the front desk and say thank you. She flirts with me. As she flirts with me I notice the ring on her finger and the swell in her stomach. I simply tell her that I must be off and pray for her husband.

I walk to what seems to be a horse "dealership". I find a fine horse. He is tall and strong looking. He is a brown reddish color that makes me think of Carl. I want to weep. When I left I had just said good by to his granddaughter. She had just attended her granddaughters wedding and was sad to see me go. I remember when her mother had died. How Carl had wept for days. She had been young. Jane, Carl's granddaughter, had been so full of life back then, before her mother had died. Now as a 91-year-old woman, her eyes held the sorrow of all those years. I shook my head to get the thought out of my head. I didn't need to think of this right now. I paid the man for the horse and started on my way.


	3. Chapter 3

The Losses of life – Chapter three

The riding was smoother than I remember. I rode fast thru the woods enjoying the feel of riding horseback again. The wind flowing thru my hair, the movement of the mussels under me. It was so easy to get lost in the movements and forget why again I was there.

It had been the aniverstiy of Anna's death and it had hit me hard. I had been sitting in a bookstore, writing to an old friend of mine, wondering how he had been. I was almost done with the letter when I thought to put the date, I was sent back as I looked at my own scrawl across the lily white paper. That date. I had quickly finished the letter stating that I would be leaving with in a few weeks time, heading back to see an old friend of mine. What I did not say was that this friend had been dead for many a year.

I have no clue where I am. I have traveled maybe 50 miles today; if that is so I have a hundred more to go. Sleep wishes to claim me and I must agree, I need it to. I have a feeling that I will not be getting much rest once I reach Transylvania.

AN: Wow long time coming. I might redo the whole story though, I'm not sure if I know where it's going, and in parts it's really confusing.I am soooooo sorry to anyone and everyone who has read this. Thank you so much. For more info please check out my profile, my livejournal and my myspace.


	4. Chapter 4

The Losses of Life Chapter four –

I woke early to the feel the dew in my eyes. Rustling out of the sleeping bag I heard my belly growl. Quickly looking for my satchel I found some food for both my horse and me. I looked to the North Mountains. I could still see the wolf packs moving thru the thick underground. I can still remember the feeling of the being the wolf, the freedom that I felt and the undeniable lust to run to the woods and never return. But that was years ago and I must not dwell on it as much as I do. I need to think ahead. After quickly relieving my self I made my way on to the past. I fell in love again with the land I was riding on. The beauty of it all shocked me. I remember little of my time here, before the final night. Before dancing with the devils son and wanting to do it again. The wolves are tracking me. Their howls are calling to me. I must get to my destination soon, I should be there by tomorrow evening, I think instead I will ride thru the night. I fear that if I stop I won't get up again.

AN: I found a part of this floating around me PC. I worked it a lil and this is what you get. Again I want to say this is not betad so any mess ups please don't be afriad to tell me. Thank you for reading now please review: )


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five –

It is dark now, and the wolves still are behind me. I have no food to give them; I do not understand their presence. Why are they following me? My horse is tired but it still moves on, it to knows what lies in our futures if we stop. They no longer chase us but more walk at our pace, either they are getting tired as well or these are not wolves working on their own thought. I would sleep if I didn't feel that it was to mean to my horse. I look down to him and he neighs, as if sighing, saying that he to wishes for sleep. It will be dawn in four hours, and in fives hours we should reach The Valerious Castle.

AN:I know the chapters seem to be getting smaller and smaller and well... they are. I'm getting back into the swing of things as far as fanfiction goes and Van Helsing, I hadn't watched the movie in about 6 months, and then I did and i'm hooked again, not to mentaion I have found the wonder of making Icons. Thank you for readin, please review.


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